fifth business

It is with great sadness that I mention, I did *not* get the awesome job in Lunenburg. Of course I got wind of it after I mentioned the interview to my boss at the cafe. How degrading.

Prior to the news though I had a pretty effing awesome day. I went out and handed in my notice for this claptrap shit hole I live in. 3 mos til I am out of here. I posted a cheque, and bought myself a new recovered journal. This one is titled “The man who got even with God”. I already have the next 3 mos put in there. I did find however that the same company has day planners and I may get one next time. I am also thinking of raiding my parents basement and sending some to them. Greg always seems unamused when I getone of these books. I am sure they could be seen as a waste of income or a frivolous purchase. I suppose those are the same thing though.

Off to get dressed and serve tea… again.

When I was 14 in 2000, both of my grandfathers became very ill. My maternal grandfather passed away 5/5/00, I dont know very much of the detail about his death. This more a story about my paternal grandfather. I don’t know how he came to be in the hospital, I think he had lost some sensation in his left leg and went to the doctor, who sent him to the hospital for a blood clot. Blood clot + Diabetes = not good. He spent about 2 months in the hospital before he passed away, 8 days before my 15th birthday. I remember thinking “If he would only make it past my birthday, I dont want my birthday present to be a funeral, I can handle it after my birthday but not before…”. Sometimes I think I was punished for being so selfish. When I am unsure in life, I think “What would Grampa say/do to me if he knew” if the answer is “beat me with his cane” I know I need to re-evaluate my priorities.

Now my paternal grandmother is ill, and it is only a month before my first art show. I am trying so hard not to think “Just make it until opening night” but it just isnt working. Hell I don’t ever want her to pass away. I want her to see my children, I want her to make my wedding cake, I want her help with my wedding dress, I want her to paint my wedding portrait, I want her forever. She is my last grandparent and the anchor of my extended family. Without her I feel like I have no reason to see my extended family, especially my second and third cousins. I am an only child, my siblings are my cousins. Take away the anchor between us and we float apart. I don’t want to lose my anchor.

Its pretty bad when your boss says something like “the designers here know nothing, so come on in” within earshot of both junior designers and he doesnt even bother to talk  in a lower tone. I almost dont want to go to work tomorrow

In other news earlier in the week they said they were going to start cutting back my hours. If I am going to be trashed talked (or what appears to be trashed) I am almost glad to have my hours cut. Not only that but one of them has taken up looking over my shoulder constantly and he doesnt seem to get why I dont like it. He wants me to be productive while hawk eyeing me. Last time I checked that never reaps productivity.

My personal business cards came in and I have been leaving them at establishments around the city in hopes of client getting. I also joined up with another studio to help get my name out there.

Ive been working with my NFP a bit, but Ive found out they were paying a design firm 100/hr but are unwilling to pay me my reduced NFP rate. I may cut them off if I dont get taken seriously soon.

I still Vehemently hate my period. The day I come off my pill all shit hits the fan. I can feel it coming, and no matter how logically I try to handle situations, or talk myself out of over reacting. Nothing. Nada. Not doing. I become paranoid, insecure, easily offended. I’ve read that it can be likened to withdrawl symptoms, and of that I have no doubt. I collapsed on my living room floor today crying and dry heaving for half an hour over something that didnt warrant it. Or if it does, it doesnt yet because nothing has actually happened. I then spent the rest of the day on pins and needles trying not to set myself off. I havent actually been able to finish any movies (happy or sad ending) because they all make me cry like a child. I can wait for this week to be over, and I am so glad its only a four day week, with a day off in the middle.

Dear Mr McCrea from the Armour group,

Please please please. DO IT. Sue the stuck pig! Sue him, AND tear the buildings down. Not that I dont love historical buildings, but I dont like eyesores on the main streets and I am tired of going into ‘historical’ bars and having a good beer and some NITER(i exagerate). Please tear it down if you are pushed to it. If you ever need a graphic designer who is willing to do design on a contreversial piece like this, don’t hesitate to call me *ring ring*

<3
Love always - Amanda

*sigh* I should be writing. I have an essay due tomorrow that I am trying to finish. However I cannot make myself write intelligable sentances. I spent the majority of the day working on a rack card for a client that they did not like at all, despite two complete redesigns, and I just know that tomorrow they will try to dispute the charges that will be applied to their account. Which will just piss Richard off more. Which is something I soooooooooo dont need right now. Its something I can apparently do by blinking.

Its been several days since I came back from my firend Sean’s wedding. His wife is a little slice of cake, i wanted to smunch her to see if she wasjust as sugary on the inside. The service was beautiful,and I was happy to be there through out the entire day with them. The dinner was FABULOUS oh my god, so much food and an open bar (or atleastbartenders who didnt ask for money).The speaches almost mad me bawl. And then came the drunken dancing, becuase we all know free booze means drunk dancing. I would like to point out my revived passionate hate for the Macarana. Nothing will ever make me like that dance. EVER. And since Jenn did it in her wedding dress/corset I am sure she hates it more. I was a little upset that some friends didnt show, I had really hoped that I would get to see them. And then I was really upset at 3am when I woke up with a hangover to find out that a light had been flickering in my room and still was, and it looked like a strobe light. Sad sad Amanda.

The Hotel still has 170$ of mine that they have yet to release and I should really enjoy some food soon.

I now understand why women were secluded during their periods. I just came off of birt control after being on it for 2 months strait, I have had almost 5 break downs in 3 days. It is entirely depressing. Not to mention the fact that it is the middle/end of fall and it is never a good season for me emotionally.

this cold is also still killing me