fifth business

When I was 14 in 2000, both of my grandfathers became very ill. My maternal grandfather passed away 5/5/00, I dont know very much of the detail about his death. This more a story about my paternal grandfather. I don’t know how he came to be in the hospital, I think he had lost some sensation in his left leg and went to the doctor, who sent him to the hospital for a blood clot. Blood clot + Diabetes = not good. He spent about 2 months in the hospital before he passed away, 8 days before my 15th birthday. I remember thinking “If he would only make it past my birthday, I dont want my birthday present to be a funeral, I can handle it after my birthday but not before…”. Sometimes I think I was punished for being so selfish. When I am unsure in life, I think “What would Grampa say/do to me if he knew” if the answer is “beat me with his cane” I know I need to re-evaluate my priorities.

Now my paternal grandmother is ill, and it is only a month before my first art show. I am trying so hard not to think “Just make it until opening night” but it just isnt working. Hell I don’t ever want her to pass away. I want her to see my children, I want her to make my wedding cake, I want her help with my wedding dress, I want her to paint my wedding portrait, I want her forever. She is my last grandparent and the anchor of my extended family. Without her I feel like I have no reason to see my extended family, especially my second and third cousins. I am an only child, my siblings are my cousins. Take away the anchor between us and we float apart. I don’t want to lose my anchor.

One of the (more passive) reasons I havent been writing, is because everytime I do I am bogged down with spam comments about sex drugs. This morning I had 68 comments waiting for me, and boy oh boy werent they a blessing of gibberish.  I’m quite tired of being told my cock isnt big enough for you internet, I like it the way it is thank you! small and clitoral like cause IMACHICK! eff.

Work is slowly killing me. I hate working indoors at the superstore. I fucking want to shoot myself every goddamn day. Doing the shifts down at the garden centre though is amazing. I forgot how much I loved working with plants (I enjoy the floral dept inside too, its just the atmosphere thats killing me). Its got me to thinking that I may go back to school for horticulture or floral design (or both).

Ive been working on setting mGgd up as a real business. Researching what needs to be done to apply for grants, getting paper work ready to submit, setting up the legal business name etc. I am very excited about this and genuinly hope that something comes out of it. Apparently my father ran his own business (news to me) for several years, so I am going to ask him for some help on setting it up. I knwo it sounds so silly asking ones parents for advice like that , but thus far my parents have never steered me wrong.

Today I look ‘not unlike’ a pin-up model. I curled my hair last night before I went to bed, but after seeing “Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay”. Or maybe my hair curled itself because of all the cockmeatsammich that was mentioned in the movie. Either way, Ive benifited.

In a few short minutes I will be going to dinner with my parents and grandmother for mothers day… even though it is 2 days away. The joys of a day off. Speaking of which, working for the stupid store again is killing me. I really need another job. A real job. Ive been sending out resumes non-stop. Although not even 10 minutes I relaized I had overlooked an entire market - publishing. I should really be applying to local publishing firms as well.

I hope tommorow I can head out to the market. I need something to calm down the corperate crazy.

So which of you lovely ladies would like to get me pregnant.

My parents are getting a puppy! I want to name him Mr. Grumpy Face

I am so glad I do not have these parents. Although I do somewhat have the “Banker” parents. I try to avoid abusing it, and often tell them to not give me money. Example: currently moving across canada, and told them to keep their money. However the first time I moved and told them that they insisted giving me money anyways, so I am skeptical of how much they heard me this time around. And the only industry contact I would have liked to abuse from my father, has passed away so its not as though I can walk that bridge. And anyways I wouldnt have gotten my father to set up that meeting anyways. LAME.

Wrapping Presents (with cats)

• Clear large space on table for wrapping present
• Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door
• Open door and remove cat from wardrobe
• Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper
• Go back and remove cat from cupboard
• Go to drawer and collect sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
• Lay out present, wrapping materials on table to enable wrapping strategy to be formed
• Go back to the drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since the last visit, and collect string
• Remove present from bag
• Remove cat from bag
• Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present
• Lay out paper to enable cutting to size
• Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight
• Throw away first sheet because cat has tried to chase scissors and tore paper
• Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting the cat in the bag that the present came out of
• Place present on cut-to-size paper
• Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges don’t reach, and find cat between paper and present. Remove cat and retry
• Place object on paper to hold in place while cutting sticky tape
• Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors
• Seal paper down with sticky tape making corners as neat as possible
• Look for roll of ribbon, chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon
• Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn
• Re-roll ribbon and remove paper torn by cat enthusiastically chasing ribbon
• Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper
• Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper
• Retrieve old cardboard box you know is the right size for the sheet of paper
• Put present in box and tie down with string
• Remove string, open box, remove cat
• Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room
• Once inside room, lock door and start to lay out packing materials
• Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and relock
• Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly difficult on the bathroom vanity, but do your best)
• Seal box, wrap present with paper, and begin repairs by carefully sealing down small tears with sticky tape
• Tie up with ribbons, and decorate with bows to hide the worst affected areas
• Label, sit back and admire yourself on making good of a bad job
• Unlock the door, go to kitchen to make a drink and feed the cat
• Spend 15 minutes looking for the cat, before reaching the inevitable conclusion
• Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat
• Retrieve all discarded paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked
• At the time of handing over present, smile sweetly at recipient’s face, as they try to hide their contempt at such a poorly wrapped gift
• Swear to yourself that next year you will have the store wrap the darn thing for you